


the sound of you

by lady_mab



Category: Friends at the Table (Podcast)
Genre: COUNTER/Weight - Freeform, Fluff, No Spoilers, Other, hook up to relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2019-01-31 00:52:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 20,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12664938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/pseuds/lady_mab
Summary: The Chime take on a job that involves sending Cass under cover to work in a dome several hours away. During that time, Mako leaves lots of voicemail messages and Cass tries to consider what their relationship might actually be.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [timetoboldlygo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/timetoboldlygo/gifts).



The job comes by way of Jamil from an unknown employer.

_A new corporation called The Risen Rain Coalition is starting to gain footing in some of the outskirt domes. They have tech that surpasses their competitors. Find out what it is they are planning on releasing, and stop it, if you can._

It’s very hard to find any news in Centralia of this company, as by ‘outskirt domes’ they quickly learn that it’s some of the cities on the completely opposite end of Counterweight. Neither the Diaspora nor OriCon even care about anything that far outside of Centralia. The CCT has a hard enough time maintaining their grip on the domes surrounding Centralia.

It takes four days before they can come up with a solid plan, although no one is entirely too fond of the plan once it is finalized.

Mostly because it involves splitting up the party.

Mostly because it involves Cass going undercover somewhere none of them have been before, somewhere they’re all finding that they don’t have clearance for.

The Risen Rain Coalition has limited the numbers of those allowed to go in and out of the dome. And no one of any real authority is there to fight against the unofficial rule.

AuDy uses their contacts to create the fake identity, and Aria spends the days until Cass’ train out of Centralia drilling them on all the information they need to know on who they will be. Mako applies for the job on Cass’ behalf, and also fogs the application system to appear that Cass had already interviewed and was beyond qualified. At least it isn’t a tech-heavy job, which is what they argue when Mako insists that he should be the one going instead.

Cass has to go off-line the first few days they are gone. It will take about a week to get set up, to ensure their fake ID is accepted, to set up secure lines the their fancy new apartment. One worthy of an Apostolosian business owner. Young(ish), up and coming, ruthless.

The exact kind of person that the Chime despise, but the infiltration will be worth it for the info they will get.

Cass becomes Nicanor Anastos, a person who got their start in marketing on Joy Park before branching off to make their own company. They boast knowledge of logarithms that Snowtrak and Minerva don’t have. Ways to get the product to a wider audience, ways to get a greater feedback from their subject pool.

All while installing the backdoors for Mako, exporting encrypted files for Aria. Well worth the risk.

It’s just those first few days when they’ll be cut off from their friends. If something goes wrong, they’ll be able to trigger the distress beacon Mako programmed, but it will still take them a few hours to reach this dome.

A lot could happen in a few hours.

The first five days, blissfully, go according to plan.

Day six, they activate their old phone, now that they have the job, now that their apartment (provided by their gracious employers) has been swept nightly for bugs and security measures of their own put into place.

Immediately, they’re flooded with texts and memos from the Chime, as well as several other contacts -- most not having to do with the job at hand, so they dismiss them saying that they will be unavailable, and any job offers should go through AuDy and Aria. They go through the remaining messages as carefully as they did perusing their room. Giving out as little information as they can, despite all precautions.

To the Chime, they say, _Safe and sound. Transmissions will start in two days._

It’s late by this point -- the company keeps them there for long hours, and they put in extra to show “willingness to work and engage”. There’s one lingering notification on their phone that they’ve been trying to figure out for the past two hours as they listened to other messages, read texts and emails, ate dinner, dressed for bed, and stared at the icon in the darkness of their empty apartment.

A voicemail from Mako, dated two days before. Only one. Sent at two am.

For some reason, they think they might be nervous as they hit play. (Which is silly, they know, because they have days of messages assuring them that everyone is fine, that nothing has happened while they have been gone. There’s even more of those dumb cat memes that Mako and Aria love to spam the group chat with.)

“ _Uhhh… Hey, Cass. I know you’re still in-communicato for another few days. But, I mean, that’s never stopped me from talking. I know that you’ll miss my rambling_ _so much_ _that I need to make sure that you don’t go crazy without the daily play by play. You’re such a detail-oriented nutcase that if you miss even a_ _single_ _moment of what has happened in the exciting life on the Kingdom Come, you’ll cry. You’ll be inconsolable. We can’t have that. You’d blow the mission. And don’t roll your eyes at me--_ ” he says, just as Cass starts to roll their eyes--” _I’m right. So, here we go. A detailed log of all that has happened in the last few days since you’ve left Centralia Dome._ ”

And then, to Cass’ utter dismay and chagrined amusement, he proceeds to do just that. The message lasts nearly forty-five fucking minutes.

They tell themselves that they’re just going to skip it, delete it, send Mako a pointed text to say _don’t do that again_ , but then five minutes passes. Then ten, fifteen, suddenly they’ve listened to the whole thing. They’re not even really listening to what is being said -- just the cadence of Mako’s voice.

The enthusiastic headlong rush from one word to the next, the way he pronounces some words with an accent, the faint, barely detectable sound of worry.

They listen to the entire thing.

The message ends with, “ _Alright, I think that’s it for now. I’ll catch you later. Or, well, catch you up later. It’s what, a three hour difference between us? Aria and AuDy are keeping me busy during the day and man I’m tired but I thought you might like to hear what’s been happening since you’ve been gone. And all that. Yeah. Bye!”_ There’s a pause, as if Mako wants to add something on to the end of the thought, and then it clicks off.

They want to listen to it again. But it’s late, and it was a long message, and utterly pointless.

In the end, they fall asleep listening to Mako’s voice recounting the events of the last few days.


	2. Chapter 2

Cass has to wake up at 0500 in order to make it to work on time. Work day starts at 0630, and they’re still learning their way around the dome. The company had offered to send a car to them, but that was the last straw of things for them to accept.

An apartment was one thing, because they needed a place to stay and might as well do it on the company dime instead of their own.

The job they needed because it was part of a larger job.

A car to pick them up from their apartment and shuttle them to the office was out of the question.They needed those forty minutes to be able to breathe out of the reach of the company -- not that their advertisements weren’t all over the buildings.

They weren’t a small company by any stretch, but compared to teams like Minerva and SnowTrack, they had a lot to catch up to. They had cornered this area of Counterweight.

It was Cass' job -- or, more appropriately, Nicanor's job -- to figure out the best way to market this item. They had to learn about it, learn to love it to the best of their ability, and then learn how to make everyone else love it.

Cass smiled politely as they had learned to do in the courts of Apostolos and set to the task with the most effective attitude they could muster.

Day in.

Day out.

By the end of the first week, they still weren't completely certain just what it was that the product did. It consumed media almost as quickly as it put out media, and it responded effectively to whatever sort of input Cass applied to it. They pretended to be several different people with several different interests, and the product picked up on it almost as quickly as they could input the information.

Strange, certainly, but not entirely dangerous as far as they could tell.

Their hours were long and stressful, and they talked to their team of developers as little as possible. They applied the strings of code in that Mako had taught them as they tested the items, learning the ins and outs, and letting it learn them in return.

Or, technically, letting it learn Nicanor.

Nicanor, who enjoyed running and playing light-ball. Who liked pop-rock music but was secretly a fan of really loud metal chords. Nicanor, who was not the scion of a crumbled empire or one of the members of a free-lance organization of something akin to criminals.

By the end of the first week, Cass wanted nothing more than to just go home and sleep for another week. And by home, they definitely did not mean the too-clean apartment, with its high windows gazing out onto the active night-life of the dome they lived in. The ceilings that disappeared into shadows, the kitchen that had everything exactly where they needed it to be. The sound system that played gentle pop-rock whenever they opened the door.

They hadn't noticed if there was anything of the product in the strings of code for the apartment's AI -- because it was that fancy, it had its own AI. That was one of the first things they disabled when they moved in. They did not want to be greeted with _Good Evening, Nicanor, shall we put on the news for you?_ or _Good Evening, Nicanor, you are running low on the following ingredients._

They worked six days in a row, from 0630, to almost 2100 every night. They spent the entire time learning a system they didn't understand and hoping that, whatever it was they were feeding into the code, was making it back.

Every evening, they would back up their files to their own personal drive, one that connected back to the Chime, and they would check messages.

Cat memes.

Job offers.

Updates on the information they were receiving.

And, that last day, a voicemail from Mako.

They put that off until the last possible moment -- after they had eaten, gotten ready for bed, answered all other important messages. Then they settle into the too-big bed with its too crisp sheets and blink up at the ceiling, wondering what sort of message waits for them as soon as they hit play.

" _Hey!_ " Mako's voice, bright and cheery, sounds through their earpiece and Cass can feel themselves relax. No one else leaves voicemail -- it’s all done over text. Probably think it’s easier, and honestly, it is. The last thing they want to do is listen to more people droning on about progress updates after a long day in the office listening to people drone on about progress updates. And sports events. And office gossip.

Somehow, listening to Mako isn’t nearly as stressful, despite his high energy. It’s relaxing.

" _So, like, I know I said I would keep you updated. Sorry I haven't been doing that great a job. A lot of stuff has been going on. It's like, as soon as you were gone, everyone decided they wanted to give us new job offers. Haha almost like they were waiting for you to leave? HMM!!! No, I'm kidding, it just seems like more work now because you're not here to help share the burden. It's amazing how much more work three people have to do when we're so used to four._ "

He goes on about the jobs they've been taking, about how he has been trying to find a buyer for his excessive amount of mechs, about how AuDy has been seeming surlier than usual, and that Aria has been humming a new song, and that he suddenly feels so stifled to be so busy.

" _I know I might have complained before about not having enough to do, but shit, it's like... Man, it's like now I don't even have time to sit down. It's great we're getting work and stuff like that, but I feel like my feet might fall off. I'm having stress dreams about jobs. Stress dreams!! About work!!! That's gross!_ "

Cass smiles despite themselves, imagining Mako pacing across the tight quarters of their room back on the Kingdom Come -- after he had invaded Cass' space for one reason or another, probably to avoid a chore or another job. He would toss his hands into the air for the sheer dramatics of it.

" _You know who has stress dreams about work? People who have nothing better to do with their time, because all they do is work. Uuuuggghhhhh._ "

Mako finishes the call with a weather report (" _I_ t's _the same as it always is, though there's a new BLuSky dome opening up a few domes down. Can't compare to the lovely beaches of the CED, I'm sure, or the hazy haze of Centralia. I don't know how you can stand being away from here._ "), and finally there's a beat before he says, _"I'm sure Aria and AuDy would say hi if they knew I was calling you. But uh, hey, let's keep it between us, yeah? I mean, we're do good at keeping other things between us, why not this, too?_ "

They imagine Mako winking, way too obviously, so that if anyone else had been in the room they would know immediately what he meant.

" _Anyway, that's all for now! I'll talk to you later! Or, well, call you again later. Update you later. I don't know it's late I'm tired my feet are going to fall off. Bye!_ "

The line clicks off and the phone asks if they would like to save or delete the message.

They save it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also i apologize for any typos or inconsistent-ness there will probably be a lot of minor changes here and there as I catch errors!


	3. Chapter 3

The 'other thing' that Cass and Mako are keeping between themselves is... well, nothing special. Sure, it is  _ something _ . It’s a huge something. But it is casual. 

It doesn’t mean anything. 

It started after a job had gone... not wrong, but bad. They came out of it okay, they came out of it without any bullet wounds which was more to say than some of their other jobs, but it... didn't go well. They couldn't save all of the information they were trying to get. They had to destroy the system behind them instead of breaking contact smoothly. 

Everyone was stressed and frustrated. 

One thing led to another. One thing being Aria was out for the night -- she had her own schedule to keep, despite the way she threw down her kit bag after the job and kicked at one of the chairs in the dining room. AuDy stored themselves in the cockpit and closed the door. Cass suspects they also shut themselves off. 

The thing that led to another was that Mako brought up the subject casually. Far too casually. Cass wouldn't have been surprised if he had been rehearsing the idea, and only just found the right moment to present it. (But that was silly. Of course he wouldn't be doing that. Of course he wouldn't be wondering about that.) 

"Hey. You wanna like... have sex?" 

Cass choked on their own spit at that question, and dropped what they had been holding. "Do I what?" 

"You. Me. I don't know. I'm just." He rolled his shoulders, and Cass noticed that he'd been fidgeting the entire time they'd been standing in silence. "It's weighing too heavy on me right now, which is a stupid thing, but I didn't log out of that system correctly so it's been bothering me. And you're tense. You're like, super tense. It might just be like. A good idea?" 

Cass stared at him in surprise, trying to reconcile...  _ anything _ . 

“You can say no,” Mako offered helpfully. “Or yes, but don’t think this is some sort of--” 

“No, I mean… I mean.” What did they mean? From a medical standpoint, yes, sex was a great way to relieve stress. Yes, they were very tense and very stressed. From a technical standpoint, there was absolutely nothing wrong with this offer. 

From an--

No, no they weren’t going to think about that standpoint. 

“Cass…? I didn’t mean for this to--” 

“Yes.” 

“.... yes?” 

“Yeah, let’s go.” They scooped up their bag on the way out of the dining room, without waiting to see if Mako would follow. They heard his footsteps a moment later, hurrying after them. 

They don’t know what they had intended. Really, they most thought they would drop off their bag and then try to figure out the logistics of this hookup. 

But then Mako was behind them, pressing into the room and closing the door, and then his hands were on Cass’ hips and his lips on Cass’ neck.

“Woah!” They caught onto his waist, and he squirmed in their grip. (Was he ticklish…?) “Here? On the ship?” 

Mako turned his big eyes up to Cass, and answered with a lifted eyebrow as he hooked an ankle around Cass’. “What, do you want to go back to your place?” 

“I don’t--” 

“The sooner we do it, the sooner we can look back on it and laugh.” Mako’s mouth was back on their throat, and Cass couldn’t exactly remember what it was that they wanted to argue about. 

Somehow, in a sudden rush as the nonessential parts of their brain shut down, Cass found themselves shirtless and Mako’s hands already working on their pants. 

“Woah, woah, hey--” Cass caught his hands this time, pulled them away. “Slow down.” 

“Why?” 

_ Why _ was a very good question. They didn’t need to take this slow because it didn’t mean anything. It was stress relief. It  _ didn’t mean anything _ . 

Cass pushed that aside and shook their head. There was something else, something niggling at the back of their mind that was a good answer to ‘why’. “Are you okay?” 

The look Mako gave them caught them off guard. “I’m… fine.” 

“Mako.” 

“Listen, can we not talk about that right now? I’m having a very hard time concentrating on words when you’re shirtless in front of me.” He grinned and pressed in against them. “We can save that for the pillow talk after. Right now, I just want a fuck.” 

Cass didn’t know if they liked that answer. But they had also agreed knowing the circumstances. It was, at least, consensual, and best not to delay. How had he put it?  _ The sooner we do it, the sooner we can look back on it and laugh _ . 

Sure. 

They switched their grip to Mako’s chin, perhaps a bit more forcefully than they intended if the way his eyes widened were any indication. They leaned in and kiss him, deep, careful, methodical, and Mako actually shivered beneath them. 

A small sound trickled from the back of Mako’s throat as Cass moved their kiss to his neck, showing it the same careful attention that they showed to everything. They could feel his weight shift, rock into them, and Cass caught him with an arm around the waist before hauling him back towards their bed. 

The rest passed in a bit of a blur after that, but they remember the feeling of it. The warmth, the ease, the calm. 

After, Mako didn’t make an effort to get out of their bed. In fact, he just snuggled down in the blankets and pillows and sighed, content. “Much better.” 

Perched on the edge of their bed, observing the whirlwind path their clothes had taken, Cass considered what they were supposed to do next. “Oh?” 

“Yeah. Exactly what the doctor ordered.” And he winked, a stupidly obvious wink that would let anyone who saw it know exactly just how bad the joke was. 

And Cass surprised themselves by laughing. “Fuck off.” 

Mako burrowed deeper into the blankets, pulled them up to his chin. “Maybe later.” He closed his eyes in the semblance of sleep. 

“You have your own bed.” Still, they reached out and adjusted the way Mako’s bangs lay on his forehead. 

He didn’t say anything, keeping his eyes closed, but there was the hint of a smile on his lips. “Yeah, in a closet.” 

Cass huffed. “That’s no one’s fault but your own. There’s a perfectly good room for you.” 

“Hey, don’t insult my closet.” 

“I wouldn’t have to if you didn’t insist on taking over my bed.” 

To this, Mako sprawled out so that his hands and toes extend past the edge of the blankets, and his body created little mountains and valleys, topography covered by fabric that Cass felt compelled to map. “Your bed is huge.” 

“Hmm.” 

“There’s space here. I don’t mind if you’re one of those that likes to cuddle after sex.” Mako pat his chest. “Just put your head right here and I can braid your hair and we can talk about things.” 

Cass ran a hand back through their hair. It’s barely long enough to curl around their ears and at the base of their neck. “Alright, maybe next time my hair will be long enough.” 

Mako sat up, the blanket crumbling to his waist. ”Next time?” 

They made a sound in the back of their throat, turning their attention away back to the rest of their room. 

“We could--” Mako hesitated, then didn’t speak for a long moment, “We can make this a regular thing, if you want.” 

“After jobs,” they forced themselves to say. “If they don’t go the way we planned, but we’re okay.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Yeah…” Cass paused, waiting for him to say something -- anything -- then pushed themselves to their feet. “You can stay here if you want to sleep.” 

Mako made a small, muttered, “Oh, okay,” and Cass stooped down to pick up their clothes. 

“This stays between us,” they said, pulling on their underwear and pants. 

From the bed, Mako snorted, and when Cass turned to look, his head was tilted away, his gaze focused on the wall. “Yeah. Sure. Who would I tell?” 

They paused, arms in the sleeves of their shirt, not quite shrugging into it yet. “I don’t know. Aria?” 

He laughed, but it’s a sharp sound. “I tell her a lot of things, but I’m not about to tell her about my sex life. Or well, whatever this is. And in return, I expect her not to tell me the same thing.” 

Cass wondered if they said something wrong, but didn’t allow themselves the chance to ponder it any longer than necessary. And this conversation was long enough. “Alright.” They finished getting dressed and paused at the door. They glanced back at Mako, who still stared at the wall, gaze distant and clearly focused on something that was somewhere else. “Rest up. Doctor’s orders.” 

This at least managed to bring a smile to his face, and tension eased from his shoulders and jaw that they hadn’t even noticed forming. “Sir, yes sir!” 

Cass stepped into the hall and closed the door behind them. 

One thing led to another. And like that, the two of them formed a habit. 


	4. Chapter 4

It remains something they keep between the two of them. Random hookups when stressed. It didn’t happen that often -- probably another five or six times over the course of four months. 

It never lasts longer than it has to. 

They make their way back to Cass’ room. Once they never made it back to Kingdom Come and had to settle with a hotel, and twice at Cass’ apartment -- the rarely used, sparsely furnished apartment they had when they needed a permanent address when applying for jobs at hospitals in the area. 

Twice, after particularly bad jobs, Mako left right after. Every other time, Cass would remove themselves from the room while Mako snuggles up in the bed and generally ends up sleeping. They find some way to keep themselves busy so they don’t get tempted to curl up with him. 

Paperwork and reports. Dishes or cooking. Inventory logs. 

Anything to get them out of that room. 

Anything to not focus on the encroaching thought that this might be self destructive behavior on their part. 

But it is a secret.

It is as a secret that doesn’t mean anything. 

They bundle up their feelings along with the discarded clothes and just… enjoy the time they have. 

* * *

Work carries on.

Day in, day out. 

Six days, 0630 to 2100. 

Cass begins to see what Mako meant about stress dreams about work. 

Soon their own internal monologue takes on the tone of the program they work on. At one point, they considered turning the AI back on in their apartment, just for someone else to talk to. Even if it’s just another voice asking Nicanor about how their day is going. 

The only sane point they have found is Mako’s voicemails. 

Two days after he left the last message, he left another. 

And then, the day after that. 

And then, it became routine. 

It starts out like there’s nothing different, because to them, it isn’t different. 

Mako is just as annoying over the phone as he is in person, and Cass wonders why they thought they could catch a break while on a mission. 

They wonder what it would be like to actually tell Mako that, and try to imagine what his response would be. 

“ _No such luck, buddy. You’re stuck with me!”_ (Cass can hear the ;) emoji tacked onto the end of that and they hate that it makes them smile. Especially because it’s not even really Mako saying it, but it’s so spot on they can’t help it.)

Soon, the voicemail messages stop becoming updates and become a stream of consciousness. They can tell that he leaves them as he’s drifting off to sleep, because his already hard to follow trail of thoughts become even more convoluted. 

And then one message becomes two, and two occasionally becomes three. The calls no longer come at a certain point each night -- they come scattered throughout the day, even though Cass is never home to answer them. 

He talks about his day, the days of Aria and AuDy. The days the people walking too slow on the sidewalk must be having. He talks about the gum he got stuck to the bottom of his shoe or the scratch that somehow appeared on his Ring of Saturn. He laughs at whatever dumb video he’s watching without linking it to Cass, and laughs about a joke he sent in the group chat a moment before. 

Cass listens to every single one of them -- leaving them as background noise in the evenings to keep them company as they eat dinner or brush their teeth. As they listen, they wonder why exactly they decide to torture themselves by thinking about what they can’t have. 

Back in Centralia. Eating shitty food and spending more nights in the Kingdom Come than they do their own apartment. Enjoying the chaotic chatter of their friends. 

Mako -- talking a mile a minute, grin never disappearing, casting the occasional glance in Cass’ direction to make sure that they’re still listening. 

Mako -- who always looks at Cass like he has a secret that he’s waiting to tell -- one that Cass doesn’t know -- one that he keeps guarded, close to his heart. 

And Cass can’t look away. 


	5. Chapter 5

The end of the third week finds Cass working nine days in a row. They’re allowed two days off on account that they made really good progress with the product and that they are about ready to pass out.

“Progress” means that it’s responding to them in a way that it hadn’t been before.

“Progress” means that the AI in the product is progressing faster than Cass thought AI’s could process and develop.

They’re beginning to see why this thing might be dangerous, depending on its context. It’s hard to be completely biased, seeing as they are friends with a sentient Automated Dynamics unit, but they trust that even AuDy would be concerned by this.

The first day of their mini vacation, they sleep through most of it -- waking long enough to eat, go to the bathroom, and ignore their phone.

They’re awoken in the late evening, after what was probably thirteen hours of sleep, to their phone ringing.

Not one of the one-off notification messages (they’ve muted the group chat for the sake of keeping their sanity -- there’s only so many cat memes they can stand to be distracted by while eating). It’s their phone _actually_ ringing. An incoming call.

Bleary-eyed, they pick it up and then nearly drop it on their face.

Mako’s name and contact picture (one he took himself, eyes crossed and cheeks sucked in and hands imitating gills on the side of his face) flash in the darkness of their room.

They catch it just before the tune ends. “‘Lo?”

There’s silence from the other end of the line, then, stilted, “ _Uh. Hi?_ ”

“Mako?”

“ _In the flesh? Sort of? Wait, why are you answering the phone?_ ” Another pause. “ _Wait, are you asleep?_ ”

“Was. You called.”

“ _Shit, I mean, you could have just let it go to voicemail._ ”

They rub their eyes and try to push themselves upright, but the pull of their pillows is too strong. “I know. This saves me the trouble of your message later.”

Mako laughs, and they wonder if he’s doing that awkward scratching of the back of his head he does when caught doing something he’s not supposed to be doing. “ _Alright, sure. Brace yourself for your daily update._ ”

“Mmm I liked them better when they were like--” They pause to yawn, and their jaw pops in the process. “Once a week a best.”

He laughs again. “ _You should have voiced your opinion earlier._ ”

“‘M voicing it now.”

“ _I’m sorry, what was that? I can’t understand you._ ”

“Voicing. Now.”

 _“Are you sure? You sure you’re not speaking Apostolosian? It kind of sounds like it. Blub blub blub--_ ”

“Shutup.” They’re smiling despite themselves, but at least it is hard to tell in their tone. “I just woke up.”

“ _Isn’t it like…. Ten for you?_ ”

They glance around the room, then uncover their phone from where it slipped beneath the covers. “Yeah, a little after.” They squint at the time, attempting to do mental math. “Isn’t it later for you?”

Mako makes a noncommittal noise. “ _I’m not tired. Unlike you._ ”

“I just pulled two all-nighters working with unpleasant people. I’m allowed to sleep all day if I want to.”

“ _Isn’t it still a weekday?_ ”

“Technically? I don’t know anymore.” They roll over and stretch their arms over their head. “Now are you going to end my suffering and just give me the update or do I have to sit here in anticipation?”

“ _Ooh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t aware they were such a highlight of your day!_ ” There’s the sound of Mako rubbing his hands together -- or at least, that’s what Cass guesses the sound is. It would certainly fit with his tone. _“You pretend to be all grumpy and dislike them, but the truth is that you’re always grumpy and you secretly live for them--_”

“Ahhhh…” they sigh, and it turns into another yawn. “You got me. It’s what I look forward to spending my evening doing after thirteen hour shifts. Listening to you ramble on for an hour and then some about whatever caught your interest for the day.”

There’s a silence on the other end of the line, and Cass pats their cheek lightly to ensure they haven’t fallen asleep. But then they can hear the smile form on Mako’s face, even through the phone. “ _You actually listen to them?!_ ”

They’re caught off-guard by the genuine delight and enthusiasm in his tone. “I--well… Yes?”

He laughs, and they can’t quite tell just what exactly is so funny. “ _I didn’t think you actually would._ ”

They frown, making their best effort to ensure that the expression is audible in their voice. “Then why do you insist upon leaving them? _Daily?_ ”

“ _Mmmmm I’m bored?_ ”

“Oh, come on.”

“ _I don’t know. I guess it’s kind of just nice talking at something. Honestly, I didn’t think you’d have the patience to sit through them, so I thought your voicemail would be nice. Because it’s kind of like talking to you at any other given point -- you know, I just ramble on, and you sit there and just let my words go in one ear and out the other._ ”

Cass shakes their head, trying to decide if they’re amused or not.

But then Mako asks, “ _Why did you listen to them all?_ ”

The question sticks in their brain, but long months of talking to Mako in general has taught them how to immediately formulate the perfectly sarcastic answer. “Because they’re so boring that they put me to sleep.”

Mako laughs, sound loud and sudden through the earpiece. “ _Alright, okay! Fine!_ ”

“Fine?”

“ _I’ll try to make them more entertaining from here on out, and then you’ll have to pay attention. I’ll quiz you._ ”

“Oh? Over text or over the phone?”

He hums in thought and Cass finds themselves leaning in closer to the receiver, trying to hear him better. “ _I don’t know. You get home late, you said?_ ”

“Mostly, yes. I don’t really have set days off.”

He hums again. “ _I dunno,_ ” he repeats. “ _I mean, I guess text would be more practical. I’ll ask you a quiz at the end of each voicemail about the events for that day, and you have to text me the answers._ ”

“What? That’s stupid.”

 _“Well, what would you prefer?_ ”

Cass bites back their immediate response, which slips unbidden to the tip of their tongue. They’d _like_ to talk to him on the phone more. They’d _like_ to be home.

They figure out what the most tactical answer should be. “I’d prefer neither of these options and you can just update me like everyone else keeps me updated.”

“ _That’s so boring though._ ”

“It’s practical.”

“ _Since when have I ever been practical?_”

“Hmmm…”

Mako makes a tick-tock noise. “ _Going once?_ ”

“No, I’m trying to think.”

“ _Going twice?_ ”

“Hold on, there has to have been _some_ time when you’ve been--”

“ _Bzzzzzt wrong answer and you’re out of time! I’m sorry, you’ve lost the million credit question! The correct answer is: Never! Mako Trig is wild and free and practical is not in my dictionary!_”

Cass laughs despite themselves, and when Mako makes a delighted whoop of victory, they laugh even harder and try to disguise the noise by buying their face in their pillow.

“ _I can’t believe this, I’ve actually made you laugh._ ”

They’re still half-speaking into their pillow. “I’ve laughed at you before.”

“ _Not like this you haven’t. Score one for Mako. Okay okay okay. You must be delirious and exhausted or something._ ”

“Mm yeah. A little.”

“ _I should let you get back to sleep._ ”

“You could.”

Mako waits a beat, and Cass knows that he’s smiling on the other end of the line. “ _Alright, I could. But I mean, since I have you here--_ ”

They groan, because it’s their automatic response, but Mako just carries right on.

They spend the next half hour chatting, which surprises Cass more than they thought it would. It lasts until both of them are yawning more than talking.

“Go to sleep,” Cass says. “It’s late.”

“ _Mmhm, sure, Doc._ ”

“I’m serious.”

“ _Okay, first problem, you’re always serious._ ”

“Mako--”

“ _Yeah, yeah. I know. I’ll go to sleep. It was…_ ” He hesitates, unsuccessfully stifles a yawn, then adds, “ _It was nice talking to you._ ”

Cass considers the possible answers they have for this. “Talking at me,” they say, deciding on sarcasm as the best option.

“ _Yeah_ ,” he agrees on a huff of laughter. “ _Either way._ ”

They close their eyes, and for a moment, they can forget that there’s a four hour time difference and thousands of miles between them. “It was nice talk to you, too.”

“ _Let’s try this again sometime._ ”

“Sure.”

“ _G’night_.”

“Night, Mako.” They hang up, and the display of their phone flashes the duration of the call. A little over an hour.

They fold their hands over their chest and stare up at the ceiling, trying to decide just what it is that they’re feeling.


	6. Chapter 6

The voicemails continue almost daily -- if Mako misses a day, he has a very elaborate and exhausting story for why he couldn’t call. They get wilder each time he tells one, and Cass wonders just how much time and energy he puts into making up these stories. 

They don’t wonder this for too long, because it also means wondering just how much Mako thinks about these calls. Does he spend all day crafting the perfect story? Does he think about the things that might make Cass laugh (because a lot of them do), or does that just come naturally? 

Cass is a little jealous that he can be so carefree and vibrant with his words. They constantly feel like they have to construct sentences, and it’s not just because this is a second language for them. 

There’s something about talking one on one with Mako that they feel like they need to watch what they say -- that anything could be taken the wrong way, though they don’t exactly know what they mean by that. 

They don’t know how they’re supposed to feel about anything. 

Mako has no such hesitations, and talks with the same wild slew of thoughts that he uses throughout the day. 

Six days after their chat on the phone, Cass decides a little payback might be necessary. It’s a little around 2300, which means it’s 0300 for Mako. They decide to leave a voicemail of their own, after having to sit through Mako’s. 

And there was, as promised, a quiz at the end. 

One of the things they learned about Mako after working together for so many months is that he can sleep through anything. 

Alarms? He can probably fog them in his dreams. 

Sirens? Snores louder. 

Aggressive evasive actions taken by the Kingdom Come during a firefight? Out like a light. 

So they know that if they call at such a late hour, he won’t answer. 

“Alright, for starters: The answer to that is seven times, I have to concede the point of that argument to Aria, and I don’t think that you should mix that many patterns together because it sounds like a violent assault on the senses.” They breathe in, breathe out. It’s awkward, talking to the silence when they have nothing to say, but the point was to just let their mind wander as they spoke. 

Isn’t that what Mako did? 

“Now, I thought I’d return the favor of all of your voicemails with my own. They’re not going to be nearly as exciting -- not that I would consider yours exciting. You just at least have the freedom to go places. I’m stuck in an office, in a room with a tiny little computer that is learning things about me that I didn’t even know.” 

Of course, the AI was learning things about Nicanor, but Cass couldn’t help but wonder just how much of themselves was making it in without them knowing it. 

“I know you and Aria have been transmitting all the data we receive to Jamil, or at least you should be. I guess the fact that I’m still here means that nothing has come of it yet. We honestly could have done a bit better with gathering information for this job, but with the time limit we were given in order to actually get me here, I suppose it went as well as could be expected.” They pick at a loose thread on their sweater. “Here’s a quiz for you: What do you think of what you’ve learned so far? I can’t quite figure it out. You’re better at this stuff than I am. Do you think that it’s something we should be worried about?” 

Cass sighs and runs a hand back through their hair. It’s gotten longer over the month, but they don’t exactly have the time or the energy to get it cut. Mako would love to run his fingers through it when they were together, and Cass remembers the time he teased about trying to braid it. 

It’s long enough to braid now. 

All the more reason to cut it. Once they’re back in Centralia. 

They decide to switch tactics. They’ve spent enough time thinking about the product that day. They didn’t need to keep thinking about it after hours. “There’s this shop on my way to the office that always has the most bizarre things for sale in the window display. And they change constantly, so I don’t even know what it is they’re selling. And at this point, I’m too afraid to ask--” 

* * *

Day in, day out. 

Routine. 

Cass looks forward to these calls, which is ridiculous, they think. It shouldn’t exactly mean anything, but it does. 

It had always gone according to plan, everything was casual, they were friends. It wasn’t worth letting anything more complicated get in the way. 

Then Mako had gone and made that single offer. 

_ You wanna have sex? It doesn’t mean anything. _

It might not have to him, but Cass is beginning to wonder if it means something to them. 

They try to wonder just where exactly they went wrong.


	7. Chapter 7

A picture is waiting for them the next time they come home.

Cass doesn’t know if they’re surprised or not to see that the picture is of a fish.

 _Cass Jr!_ Mako says in the chat, followed by a flood of replies from Aria that are mostly laughing emoji. She and Mako seem to have transcended language with their use of emojis, to the point where Cass has stopped trying to figure them out.

AuDy would always take them too literally, despite the pairs best attempts at trying to teach them. Cass understands enough, but it’s more like they can inherently gather the meaning, and not a translation if they were to explain to someone else.

 _Hold on -- what??????_ They text the chat before immediately going to listen to Mako’s voicemail.

They have to get through forty-seven minutes before he gets to the adventures in the pet shop. “ _Okay, you have to understand -- look at that little fishy face. Don’t you think they have the same kind of expression as you? They looked at me with those dead fish eyes and I went_ _I need to have you in my life_ _. You’ll love them when you get back. I bet you’ll be like one of those people who is just like ‘oh, Mako, you shouldn’t have a pet because you’re not going to take care of it and I’ll be stuck taking care of it’ but secretly you’ll love this little mini-you a lot and you’ll be taking care of them all the time. And then I’ll_ _laugh_ _._ ”

They’re not entirely too sure what exactly is happening, but it definitely sounds like Mako bought a fish just because it made him think of Cass.

Their heart does a weird little flip thing that they’re not too sure how to interpret.

“ _I’m naming the fish after you. They’re going to have an awesome tank. I can’t wait to put it all together when I get back. Uh, I don’t know -- can we keep a fish on the Kingdom Come? Do you think it’ll be safe? Cause I mean we could always keep them at your place. And then I’ll have to come over to visit my fish child._ ”

Cass covers their face with one hand, wondering if Mako even knows what he’s talking about. Is he aware of what he’s saying? Could he really be that shameless, or that clueless?

They don’t know. They have no idea.

After that one picture of “Cass Jr”, pictures start to come more regularly. Just over a month has gone by, and Mako finally starts to take pictures of everything that they are missing. Candid shots of AuDy and Aria, lots of pictures of the fish.

Pictures of their friends, of the buildings. Everything in Centralia that Mako sees, he’ll send in a text.

 _So you are capable of texting_ , Cass had teased when the first few pictures came, and Mako replied with an emoji sticking out its tongue. _Why don’t you just do this instead of voicemails_.

_Because I like listening to myself talk and it’s all on you that you listen to the messages I leave._

Cass is terribly homesick with each picture that comes through.

They continue to play voicemail tag. Back and forth, one, two, three messages at a time. The most mundane shit they can think of. Cass is limited to the time they spend in their apartment, which always ends up late at night. It’s too risky to take their personal cell outside of the secure bubble they have set up. The Risen Rain Coalition has eyes and ears everywhere, if this product they’re learning is any indication.

Mako uses his freedom to tell Cass about what is happening not only with the Chime but throughout Centralia in their absence.

Pictures of AuDy, of Aria. Of Jamil and JM and Paisley and Orth’s hand as he covered the camera pointed in his direction. Of the statues and the dome and the ship and the mechs.

The most they ever get of Mako himself is an occasional reflection, a shadow, the flash of a pale blue hand as he reaches or points at whatever he finds interesting.

“Alright, you’re going to have to humor me here,” Cass says at the end of one voicemail after spending an absurdly long amount of time talking about the too many different options that the supermarket has for spices. “Thank you for the pictures. They mean a lot to me, and it really makes me miss everyone. You know, when I’m not being bombarded by your stupid memes in the group chat. But… Why are there no pictures of you? I know you’re not camera shy. Just… curious.”

They know they do a terrible job at trying to sound indifferent, but at that point, they don’t really care.

There’s a two day break in between messages, and when Mako finally replies, he’s laughing and talking in a rushed slur of words. Drunk, perhaps? “ _Okay, I send pictures of everyone else because I gotta be fair, you know. You can see everyone, even if you don’t return the favor and send pictures of yourself but that’s fine, I don’t think I’d show it to them anyway. Our secret, remember? But I get to talk to you over the phone. I don’t want to weigh your allegiance too far in my favor. I know, I know. I’m so ridiculously handsome that it’s hard to think about anything comparing to me._ ” He giggles, hiccups and drops his voice into something that Cass can’t interpret. “ _This way, I get to keep the sound of you to myself. I think I’m really the one winning here._ ”

And that’s it.

That’s the message.

Cass saves it like they do all of the others, and kick their trashcan over in frustration.


	8. Chapter 8

A month and a half. 

They’ve managed to catch Mako on the phone twice, and it has always been the same sort of awkward back and forth. They don’t mention what Mako said about the phone calls versus the pictures. 

At this point, they’re not too sure if Mako even knew what he was talking about.

Most of the time, they leave voicemails. They talk more about office life than they had before. Other people from the marketing department where they work, other people on this team. They’re bright, intelligent people. It’s a shame they’re working for such a demanding company. 

It’s a shame they’re working for a company that has so many secrets and flaunts that fact openly. 

What Cass has learned: The AI tech is definitely not from Counterweight, and definitely manufactured by some other civilization. It’s not reminiscent of Apostolosian, or anything strictly belonging to the Diaspora or OriCon. It’s new, and different, and frightfully intelligent. 

Cass hates being in the same room as it. 

They’re afraid that it will pick up on their identity, point them out to some authority figure.  _ They’re the traitor. They’ve been stealing my secrets.  _

The sooner they can get this job over with, the better, but there is still so much that they have yet to learn. 


	9. Chapter 9

A month and a half since they’ve left Centralia, but it feels like longer. The days pull on their soul and weigh on their consciousness and just… do everything in their power to slowly pull him apart.

They wonder what will happen first: Being revealed by the rapidly responding AI intelligence that they are the traitor, or that they will snap and reveal themselves as such in the process of going absolutely batshit while stuck in this job.

Bureaucracy is one thing.

An office job is another.

Cass thought being Scion was a terrible destiny, but they pity anyone stuck in one of the tiny cubicles, running marketing logarithms, running design ideas across one another, trying to figure out all the different ways they could use Nicanor’s results from their tests to send the product to this larger audience.

One month, two weeks, three days.

They’re listening to their daily slew of voicemails, again paying more attention to Mako’s voice than the words he is staying. They listen as his tone tightens, shifts in pitch. Barely noticeable, but enough. It shakes, just a degree. It is weak and wobbles.

And then, halfway through the third message, he falls into a long pause.

It had been sent not too long ago, so it’s very likely that he had fallen asleep in the middle of a sentence. Wouldn’t have been the first time, but generally Cass gets more warning before that happens. 

They can hear him breathing on the other end of the line. It’s soft, uneven, and they worry. They worry about what it means for him.

But then when he starts to speak again, his voice is tiny, distant. “ _Hey, Cass?_ ” he starts, and Cass realizes that this is the first time that Mako has actually said their name since they started this job. And, a beat later, they realize how much they missed the sound of it. “ _I know that… this sounds really dumb. Okay, and in before you say ‘Why Mako, you always say dumb things’. But… A lot has happened over the last month. You know that. I’ve been keeping you updated. The problem is that I always expect to hear you with one of your dry comments. Or that I’d turn around and see you with that smirk you have when you’re being smug about something but you’re still too dignified to say ‘I told you so’._ ”

He sighs, and it’s a bit wistful, but Cass still feels the tug in their chest at the sound. “ _Or your hands. Shit, and I don’t even mean that I miss them in a dirty way, though yeah, that too, while I’m at it. But you’re always so calm and in control and that’s what I miss the most, just… How you could touch me, a hand on the arm or whatever, and I could feel that calm rub off on me. And it’s dumb to wonder… when you’ll come back -- when you’ll come home._ ”

‘Home’, Cass thinks, has a very nice ring to it.

“ _At this point I think you’re like 85 percent of my impulse control, one, because I have to give Aria and AuDy some credit, and two, because each day you’re not here, I get this crazy idea in my head that the next time I do see you, I’m going to kiss you. Like, shove you up against a wall and kiss you. Probably even before debriefing -- wild, I know. Keep your pants on, Mister By-The-Rules-Gotta-Tell-Everything-To-The-Higher-ups-Straightaway. Probably even in front of everyone, I don’t know, I told you, it’s a crazy idea that just gets worse because you’re not here._ ”

He falls silent, and in the silence of that message, Cass hears the telltale beep of a new text. But they don’t check it just yet.

There’s a breath, a pause, and then, “ _I miss you, Cass. I hope you can come home soon._ ”

Cass rewinds the message the last few seconds and listens to it again. “ _I miss you, Cass. I hope you can come home soon_.”

They call Mako. It’s close to 0300 for him, and so they’ll use the scant few seconds of the phone ringing and the answering message in order to plan--

“ _Cass_?” Mako’s voice crackles to life on the other end of the speaker. He sniffles, clears his throat, and says, “ _Oh, you got my messages?_ ”

Their heart jumps into their throat, and for a moment, they’re breathless. “Yeah--”

“ _Wait, no, you didn’t read them, there’s no read receipt! So what are you--_ ”

“Mako.”

He stops, immediately going silent.

“What’s wrong?”

He makes a frustrated sound on the other end of the line. “ _I just got back from a job._ ”

“It’s late.”

“ _Yeah. I know._ ”

“You should sleep.”

“ _I don’t want--_ ” He cuts himself off, breathes through his nose. “ _I want to talk to you. I’m too angry right now to sleep_.”

Cass fidgets with their phone as they sit at their dining table. Then they push themselves to their feet and move to tidy up the already spotless apartment. “Alright. Let’s talk. What happened?”

Mako breathes again, and it catches on a hiccup. He sniffles and makes another attempt. “ _Got back from a job. It… It didn’t go well._ ”

“Are you okay?” They wince at how quickly the question comes from them. They try again. “Is everyone okay?”

“ _They’re fine. We’re fine. It was…_ ” He makes a sound, uncertain. “ _I don’t know what happened. I don’t think it was a job for just two of us, but we needed someone on the outside and so AuDy had to be on the outside. Aria was able to get out okay, but I had to stay behind to ensure her retreat._ ”

They pause in what they’re doing, needlessly refolding their laundry for something to do with their hands. “And?”

“ _And I got caught, but I was able to get out of the most secure section so it just kind of looked like I was a punk snooping where I wasn’t supposed to be._ ”

“Well, I mean, that’s not wrong.”

There’s a snort of amusement from the ear piece. “ _Don’t make me laugh. I want to be angry._ ”

“Sorry, sorry.” They pause, but the tension on the other line doesn’t dissipate. “How did you get back?”

“ _Fucking Paisley had to come pick me up. He has like contacts at the company we were infiltrating or something, so Aria called him._ ” Mako’s hand smacks into something soft, probably a pillow. “ _He just swans in with his stupidly charming smile and ruffles my hair on the way out. Ruffles my hair! Like I’m six years old or some shit. I felt like a goddamn kid who had been sent to the principal’s office._ ”

Cass’ lips press into a thin line. They’re well aware of Mako’s… _crush_ on Paisley (to put it mildly). Anyone would be blind to have not noticed it.

And so the fact that Paisley would try to dismiss it with that sort of behavior aimed at Mako makes them rather frustrated. Even though they know that they have no place in this discussion, over the last few months, they know one important fact about Mako and his hair: Don’t ruffle it.

He would joke and say that it was because it took so long to get perfectly styled. But Cass has since learned that he likes it when they play with his hair, run their fingers back through it when they’re in bed. But ruffling was patronizing.

Ruffling was treating him like a kid without having the grace to tell him he was being childish.

Mako is carrying on, heedless of Cass’ thoughts. “Y _ou wanna know the worst part? I don’t even really know what it’s like to have to be sent to the principal’s office and have to wait for your parents to come pick you up -- but this is what it felt like. I’m not saying that I was a model student, I mean, I was, I don’t know, school was complicated. But September doesn’t let anyone on campus that isn’t a student. I’m sure my parents would have loved to come pick me up and scold me on the way home, except that it would have taken like three fucking months for them to get permission to get onto the campus when it wasn’t one of the open days._ ”

He growls in frustration, and there’s another muffled thump. This time, it’s accompanied by a heavy sigh and grumble. “ _It’s just…_ ” He trails off, sighs. The sound is tired and annoyed. “ _It’s not the same without you here, Cass_.”

They sit down on the edge of their bed, weigh the silence on the line. “I would have just been one more disapproving adult to come pick you up from the principal’s office.”

Mako’s laugh is strained, but genuine at least. “ _I don’t think I would have even ended up there if you were here. We would have had a better plan. We would have had you._ ”

Cass can feel the weight of something unspoken, but doesn’t think about it. Doesn’t think about how they want to hear _I would have had you_. “You’re good now, though? I mean, you’re okay. You’re back on the ship?”

“ _Yeah, I’m… I’m home._ ” He groans and there’s the sound of him rubbing his hand over his face. “ _I’m just in bed now and couldn’t sleep. So I thought I’d call._ ”

“I’m glad you did,”

“ _Yeah…_ ” Mako hesitates, and then his voice trembles when he asks, “ _Did you listen to the voicemails?_ ”

Cass’ stomach flips uncertainly, remembering the vulnerability on his voice on the end of the last message.

_I miss you, Cass. I hope you can come home soon._

“I did.”

“ _Sorry. I wasn’t… I wasn’t in a really good place for a moment there. I’m better now. You can just ignore them--_ ”

“Mako--”

He stops again.

“About what you said…”

“ _Er, which bit? You’re going to have to be more specific. I said a lot, and I’m trying to ask you to ignore most of it--_ ”

“About kissing me.” Wait… did they just ask that out loud?

“ _Oooooh_ ,” Mako says, and the laughter is too-loud and nervous. “ _Okay yeah uh. Uhhhh. I don’t have a good excuse for that. Sorry, that’s one of the things you can ignore._ ”

A small sound escapes Cass, and they have to clear their throat before trying again. “What if… What if I wanted to kiss you?”

There’s silence from the other end of the line, and Cass knows immediately that they messed up. They shouldn’t have said anything--

And then they can hear the smile taking over Mako’s face. They can practically feel the tension easing. “ _Yeah_?”

“If you’re just going to poke fun at it--”

“ _No, shit. Shit. Uhhhhahaha. Really?_ ”

“Really what?”

“ _Do you really want to kiss me?_ ”

“Well, I mean…” They can barely concentrate on the conversation over the sound of blood rushing in their ears. Why did they have to say anything? This is… awkward. This is too awkward. “Do you really want to--”

“ _Yes_ ,” Mako says in a rush, the three letters practically tripping over themselves to be heard. ” _Yeah, I… I really want to._ ”

They’re breathless, uncertain of what sort of expression they’re even making. When they finally do speak, their voice is strained, their throat closing up on the sudden shock of emotions. “Oh.”

“ _Can… I kiss you now?_ ”

“I mean--As much as I appreciate the thought, I don’t think you can--”

“ _No, okay. Hold on. Let’s see if I still know how to do this._ ”

“Unless _this_ is you learning how to teleport through a phone line--”

And then Mako releases a soft, breathy sigh, a faint sound in the back of his throat, and the unmistakable sound of his lips pressing against something.

Cass’ voices tangles in their throat and for a moment they actually feel like their breath has been stolen straight from their lungs.

Ridiculously, it sounds exactly like he’s kissing someone. There’s a tiny, irrational part of Cass’ brain that wonders just who he would bring back and kiss while on the phone with them, but they immediately push that aside. “What are you doing?”

Mako doesn’t stop, the sounds continuing as if Cass hadn’t said a thing.

They sit, silent, uncertain, and listen. Their heart is beating so hard that they’re quite certain it’s about to spring from their ribs at any second.

If they allow themselves the indulgence, they can picture Mako pressed against them. Kissing them, unhurried and pleased and pliant beneath their hands.

They would take their time, Cass thinks, if they could actually kiss him like that. It wouldn’t be tied up in a stupid arrangement, it wouldn’t be tied up on the tail end of stress and anxiety. It would be slow, gentle.

It would be the precursor to something sweeter.

Mako’s voice comes out in short, soft gasps in between the kisses. He’s enjoying this a bit too much. Is he imagining Cass on the other end, returning the favor? Kissing him back instead of… whatever it is he is kissing?

 _Indulgent_ , Cass reminds themselves.  _Pure indulgence_.

It is, they note, a bit too late to unfortunately realize that they might be in love.

“Mako, knock that off--” they say, tired, disappointed in themselves. “You sound obscene.”

The illusion is immediately shattered as Mako fails to smother a laugh. “ _Alright, listen. I know first hand what you can do with that mouth of yours -- now_ _that’s_ _obscene._ ”

Cass is shocked into silence before something resembling indignant embarrassment boils up inside of their chest. “What?! What does that even mean??!! What are you even _doing_?”

 _“Like I said! Pretend this is me kissing you!_ ” Mako does the sound again, but this time, it’s way too over the top. What had been soft sounds turn into staged _muah muah muah_ and other cartoonishly loud noises.

Their mess of emotions melt into amusement, and they can’t help the laughter. “That is clearly far too much tongue from the sound of it.”

Mako has a hard time talking around his laughter. “ _You’re a fish. I thought you liked things wet._ ”

A sputtered sound of shock is startled out of them. “MAKO TRIG--” they shout despite the hour, trying very hard to keep themselves from dissolving completely into laughter. “What the hell!!”

But Mako is laughing too hard to hold up his end of the conversation. He must have rolled away from the receiver, because his voice is distant but the sound is obviously one of his full-bodied and overwhelming laughing fits.

And Cass can’t help it. Mako’s laughter is infectious, and they’re just glad that he can sound so happy after the anxiety and sadness earlier in the conversation.

“ _I’m kissing my arm,_ ” Mako finally says, barely managing the words through his lingering giggles. “ _I saw something somewhere about how you can mimic kissing sounds by doing that."_

“Why?” Cass asks, smothering their face with their hand. “Why would you even want to or need to know how to do that?”

“ _Um, clearly, for moments like these._ ”

And then they’re both laughing again.

By the time their laughter dies down, Cass’ stomach hurts and there are tears in their eyes. Mako has hiccups and each time his breathing hitches on one, it only renews his giggles and makes it worse.

Still, he tries to keep a steady tone when he asks, “ _Hey, next time..._ “ He stops, swallows, changes tactics. “ _When I get to see you next…_ ” The amusement melts into a frustrated sigh.

Cass waits, patient, smile still lingering on their lips.

“ _Days like today… Are especially hard without you here. And the tension has been slowly building up the last few weeks._ ” Mako’s sighs are deep, tired. “ _I’ve gotten used to our arrangement, that now I have all this--_ ”

Cass cuts him off because they don’t want to think about their arrangement. “Pent up sexual frustration?” they tease.

“ _No!”_ Mako returns defensively, though he quickly follows up with, “ _Maybe. I don’t know. Is that the medical term?_ ”

They merely hum in response, closing their eyes and settling back into their bed.

He huffs. “ _Whatever. I’m just very anxious without you here. That’s all._ ”

“Really?” Cass can’t help but slip into the banter. It’s easier. Easier than remembering that whatever is between them is ‘an arrangement’, despite what just happened. Despite Mako admitting to wanting to kiss them, because that could have just been a part of their arrangement. “Because I’ve been so relaxed, it’s almost like a vacation--”

Mako whines and it takes a second before they realize that it’s their name. “ _Caaaaaaaaassssssss!!_ ”

They chuckle and wish they were next to him so they could run their fingers back through his hair. “I’m kidding. You’ve definitely made sure that I haven’t had a moment’s rest.”

“ _Shut uppppp!_ ”

“Mako?”

“ _Hmmm?_ ”

“Get some sleep.”

He laughs and it trails off into a tired sigh. “ _Alright. I suppose I will have to settle for this without you here._ ”

“You seemed to do quite a decent job of kissing yourself.”

Again, he turns his head away from the phone to laugh. “ _Fuck you, I’m a great kisser._ ”

“Is this because you’re asking yourself, or…?”

“ _I’ll show you. When you get back. I’ll do what I said I’ll do. And I’ll show you just how good I am at it._ ”

Cass stares up at the dark ceiling of their bedroom, smiling, shaking their head fondly. “Alright. I’ll hold you to that.”

Mako starts to respond, but it’s cut off by a yawn. “ _See that you do, alright? Remember what I said: You’re my impulse control._ ”

“I thought that means I’m supposed to stop you from doing things.”

“ _You’re supposed to control where I put my attention. And if that means into kissing you, then that’s fine too._ ”

They rake their hand back through their hair. “Go to sleep before you talk any more crazy talk.”

He makes a tired noise. “ _Yeah, okay. G’night, Cass. Thanks for calling me._ ”

“Goodnight, Mako. I’m glad that you’re feeling better.”

“ _All thanks to you, Doc. All thanks to you._ ”

The line clicks and goes silent, and Cass continues to stare up at their dark ceiling.

“Fuck,” they finally mutter. “I’m so fucked.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i used to listen to a lot of romance drama cds back in the day and I remember hearing that if you needed to make a kissing sound, you could 'kiss' your forearm to mimic the sound. I could also just be remembering that completely incorrectly.


	10. Chapter 10

One thing leads to another. 

That’s what Cass has realized when Mako is involved. 

It’s always one thing leading to another. 

One thing is that Mako starts staying up later, hoping to actually catch Cass on the phone. It works, which only causes Cass to scold him for messing up his sleep schedule. 

“I’m a doctor,” they say, talking louder to be heard over Mako’s laughter the fifth night in a row they talk on the phone. “You need to get a full night’s sleep.” 

" _I do_!” he protests, though he clearly doesn’t sound like he regrets his choices at all. “ _I sleep until about two or three in the afternoon_ \--” Here, Cass scoffs disapprovingly and Mako just laughs-- “ _and that way I’ll be up to talk to you even though it’s like one am right now!_ ” 

“A horrible decision.” 

" _No, it’s fine, we’ve had a slight lull in jobs coming in, and I can just do late-in-the-day legwork._ "

“Having a consistent sleep routine is good for your skin, your mood, and your overall health.” 

Mako hums. “ _I think talking to you is good for my mood and my mental health_.” 

“I--well.” They can’t deny that talking to Mako is the highlight of their day. “Still.” 

“ _What, think about my complexion? Please, my skin is great._ ”

“That’s no reason to mess up your sleep schedule.” 

“ _Sleep schedule? Never heard of it._ ” 

* * *

There are good days and bad days. 

On bad days, Mako will ask, “ _When are you coming home?_ ”

“I don’t know,” Cass will mutter, wishing that they had an answer. “This isn’t an exact science.”

“ _Oh._ ” Mako sounds disappointed. “ _You’ll keep me updated?_ ”

“Of course.” And then, softly, honestly, “You’d be the first to know.”

This manages to cheer him up. 

* * *

To compensate, they’ve started leaving work earlier -- well, _on time_ , technically. They always stayed later, clocking in the overtime, but now they leave when they’re supposed to. Still late, still making it back to their apartment at what would be an otherwise unreasonable hour, but it makes it easier to catch Mako on the phone. 

At the sudden change in schedule, their boss jokingly asks, “Leaving early, huh? Got a hot date tonight?” 

Cass weighs the options, considers lying, then replies with, “Yes?” 

Could a phone call with a friend be considered a date? In the strictest of senses, they suppose. A prearranged agreement to a date and time for an activity. 

The fact that it just happens to be with someone they just happen to be in love with makes it fall under the implication of a romantic date. 

Cass could talk themselves in circles about the nuances of the word and decides to leave it at that.

Thankfully, their boss doesn’t push the topic, beyond giving them a cheerful slap on the back and saying, “Good for you, Nicanor! You’ve been working non-stop lately, it’ll be good for you to kick back and relax.” He adds a wink for good measure, and Cass knows immediately what that’s supposed to mean. 

Their stomach sinks, but they maintain the smile. 

* * *

On good days, Mako will ask, “ _What is the first thing you want to do when you get back to Centralia?_ ” His voice is light, cheerful, filled with laughter. 

“Hmmm…. I don’t know.” Cass will pretend to think about it. Their answer will vary, anywhere from “I want to go eat at that shitty little diner off Third Street,” to “Maybe I’ll get an office job; I think I’ve grown used to this”, to “I’ve heard that there is a new BluSky dome opening up in Dome Six, perhaps I’ll visit there first--” 

And Mako will laugh harder and harder each time. “ _No, try again!_ ” 

So Cass will give another answer, and another, until they finally say, “Oh, wait, that’s right. I’m supposed to remind you of something… Hmmm… what was it again?” 

“ _You’re a terrible impulse control._ ” 

“I’m only terrible if I don’t stop you from doing something you shouldn’t. But I definitely won’t stop you from kissing me.” 

They still can’t get over the sound of Mako’s smile each time they say that. “ _See that you don’t._ ”

* * *

Cass thinks that, in all of their months on the Kingdom Come, in all of their time together, they’ve never spent this much time talking to Mako at once.

Generally, they sit and listen to Mako talk to the room at large, somehow managing to engage any of the other members of the Chime into a conversation simply by _being_. He’s ridiculously charming and charismatic in a way that makes it hard to ignore. 

Which, yes, can be a dreadful drain on the senses, but for some reason, they don’t care too much any more. 

For some reason, they look forward to it. 

They don’t know what the difference is. Is it being separated from him? ‘Distance makes the heart grow fonder’ is an old, _old_ saying, but Cass is quite certain they’ve always felt this. It’s only just become clear as to what the feeling was more recently. 

Talking to Mako in a low voice, in the dark of their room, they can ignore the fact that they’re in a strange city in a strange apartment, all by themselves. 

Cass talks about office gossip, and Mako talks about the new coffee at Constellation. They talk about political conspiracy theories and programming for droids and tell stories of old heroes and something they read in a scientific journal recently or a celebrity magazine or--

Anything and everything. 

They’ll talk for hours on end, or, occasionally, slip into silence as exhaustion overtakes them. Cass has stopped telling Mako to go to sleep. Selfishly, they think, to keep him on the phone a little bit longer. 

Even if their heart hurts a little as they listen to his soft snores those times he falls asleep on the other end of the call. Even if there has been moments when they’ll awake with a start an hour later only to realize that the phone call is still going, even though they are both asleep. 

Cass thinks that, maybe, next time they meet up for their arrangement, they will stay in bed. Mako can play with their hair as he drifts to sleep. They can hold him in their arms instead of leaving him. 

Instead of lying on their side, staring across the empty expanse of their bed, their phone conveying Mako’s soft, eager voice. 

They miss the brightness of his smile, though they can hear it in his words. They miss the quirk of his lips when he thinks he’s made a funny joke, but they miss it even more on the rare occasion they had to kiss that little tilt.

* * *

(Their hand is a poor substitute.)

(They’ve never had the best imagination.) 


	11. Chapter 11

It seems that, the longer they’re away, the more bad days there are. 

Mako will get quiet, his voice timid and hesitant. “ _When are you coming home?_ ” he asks.

“Soon,” Cass promises, closing their eyes. 

“ _Good._ ”

* * *

Emotions, Cass concludes, are complicated. 

Putting them into words is even more difficult. 

There’s a line that they drew back when they first decided on this arrangement: Emotions cannot be a part of this. 

It’s easier when you pretend like you don’t want anything more than what was agreed upon. Both parties are indifferent, because this is a matter of circumstances. From a certain standpoint, it’s just sex. 

Lately, it’s been getting increasingly difficult to pretend like they don’t care. 

_It’s not like it means anything_ feels like the biggest lie.


	12. Chapter 12

“ _Our fish child is doing well_ ,” Mako says.

Cass doesn’t miss the our. “Oh, you mean Cass Jr?”

“ _Yes. He looks so much like you, it’s uncanny._ ”

“It’s the dead eyes.”

He laughs, but it’s strained and tired. This isn’t a bad day, but it certainly isn’t a good day. “ _At least they doesn’t have that judgemental little glare you get._ ”

“Probably because they don’t know any better.”

Mako hums, though the sound falters halfway through his thought. “ _AuDy said they’re surprised I’ve managed to keep the fish alive so long. I told them I’m insulted._ ”

Cass watches the flicker of the city lights dance across their ceiling. “I have faith in you and your fish raising capabilities.”

They expect a pity sort of reply, a _thank you for getting it!_ or _I can at least be entrusted with a fish!_ Instead, there’s a long pause, the uneven sound of his breathing coming through in a gentle hum of static. “ _Cass?_ ”

Worry immediately wells up in their chest. “Yes?”

He doesn’t reply right away.

“Is everything okay?”

“ _Yeah… I guess. I just..._ “ He sighs in frustration. “ _It’s getting harder and harder to--I don’t know. Function? Cope? You’re more than just my impulse control._ ”

Cass takes a breath, but doesn’t know how to respond. They’re afraid that if they open their mouth, their emotions will come tumbling out.

“ _I know I shouldn’t say this, because I think it’s against the rules or something, but I can’t stop thinking about lying next to you._ ” His voice is muffled, like he’s speaking from beneath the cover of his hands. “ _Which, I know, is dumb because you don’t stick around after, but--_ ”

“Mako,” they say, and they hear the hitch of his breath on the other end of the line. The words scramble for a place in their head, tumble free without thought. “I _want_ to be next to you. I want you here. With me.”

“ _Your bed is stupidly big without you in it,_ ” he blurts out. “ _How do you handle all this space?_ ”

They laugh, the sound startled out of them. They don’t know what their heart is doing, but it hurts despite the way their entire body feels flooded with emotion. “You're sleeping in my bed?”

“ _Well, yeah. It… helps._ ” There's the sound of Mako shifting, sighing. The creak of a mattress. The rustle of sheets. “ _It kind of smells like you still._ ”

Cass closes their eyes. Their arms ache to reach out for him, to hold him close as they drift off to sleep.

_Fuck it_ , they decide. Fuck dancing around these feelings like they can’t mean something. If Mako can be indulgent, kissing his arm to pretend like he’s kissing Cass, then they can be indulgent.

They can pretend like they’re together, curled up in the same bed. _Warm and pliant._ “I would pull you in against me if I was there right now. Press my chest against your back. Feel your heartbeat against my hand.”

Mako makes a small sound in the back of his throat. “ _Mmhm?_ ”

“Mmhm. And I'll kiss your neck, mapping a pattern that only I know across your skin. One that will make you moan and ask for again and again.” They try to imagine it, the stretch of pale blue skin that seems to almost glow in the dim light through their window. His head tilted forward, against the pillow. Revealing the path for them to take. “And I will, lips learning the curves and taste of you. Committing it to memory for nights like these.”

The sound again, more desperate. “ _Cass…_ ”

“My hands playing down your chest as I kiss you. Your nipples stiff beneath my touch. Would you like it if I toyed with them a little? Teased them with my fingers, pinching them, rubbing them.” They lick their lips, keeping their hands flat against their stomach, unwilling to move. Desperate to hold on to the image they're creating.

From the phone, Mako’s breath comes hard and shaky. “ _Don't stop._ ”

Cass chuckles, biting their lower lip to try and keep the smile from their face. “Your hips slot so nicely into mine. Did you ever notice that? Or were you so distracted by what we were doing? As my hands slip down your stomach, teasing you at the waistband of your shorts. God, I wonder if you would be hard by now. Even from just this little bit.”

“ _Fucking…. tease_ ,” Mako gasps.

“it's been over two months since I've touched you,” Cass carries on. The last time they saw each other, it was just another day. The last time they had sex, it hadn't meant anything.

So why does this feel so different?

“Two _long_ months since I had my hands on you. The skin of your thighs so warm and soft beneath me. Have you had to settle for using your hand, without me there?” There's a shift in Mako’s breathing on the other end, and Cass pauses to listen. “Are you touching yourself now?”

He makes a strained noise that might be in frustration, might just be in confirmation.

The smile comes to Cass’ lips and they take that image in their head and tuck it away for later. “I can just see it now. You, naked on my bed, your entire body flushed with pleasure. And your hands on your cock as you pretend that it's me. But nothing feels right, does it? So when I get back, I'll have you show me all the ways you touched yourself.”

Their sigh escapes their throat on a low moan, and Mako echoes the sound back, although with a degree of desperation. “God, when I get back, I want to take you apart piece by piece. I want to feel every inch of you. One hand around that cock as your hips push into my grip. My fingers inside you, drawing out every sound from your throat as I kiss it, as I feel those moans and the way you say my name beneath my lips.”

“ _Cass_ \--” Mako gasps. “ _Cass, please._ ”

They can't help it anymore. They slip their hands down the front of their pants, gentle strokes quickly giving way to something rougher. “I wonder how fast you'll come. If my fingers will be enough for you. My hand stroking you.”

He makes a keening noise in the back of throat, and they can hear how strained his breath is. He's close, and they hate that they're not there to see it. “ _Cass, I want you so fucking bad--_ ”

“How do want me?”

“ _Inside me. I need you hard and deep. I want you here, your hands on me._ ” Mako’s voice drops, just a whisper caught between his heavy breaths. And it's their name, desperate and pleading.

Their own hands work in time with his rhythm, and they can feel themselves getting closer, body responding to the sound of their name. To the sounds that Mako makes.

“Mako--” they start, not knowing what they want to say. “I… Mako, I miss the warmth of you next to me.” It seems like such a stupid thing to say, but the next thing they hear is Mako’s strangled, muffled moan as he comes, and that's nearly enough to tip Cass over the edge as well.

“ _Cass?_ ” Mako asks weakly, and they want nothing more than to pull him into their arms and kiss him. Even with just that one word, he sounds so timid and small. “ _I miss you, too._ ”

They come with a stuttered gasp, hips jerking off the mattress and into their hands, Mako’s name on their lips and the memory of his hand in their hair, nails scraping back against their skull and coaxing another moan from their throat.

For a moment, the only thing passing between them is the sound of their breathing, heaving and laced with things they couldn't say.

“Mako?” they start, hesitantly. They receive a muffled, content “ _hmm?_ ” in response. “Two weeks, tops. I'm almost done here. I'll be home, soon.”

“ _Good_ ,” he says. “ _Because you're right, my hand does not feel like yours._ ”

Again, the laugh is startled out of them. They rub their eyes with their forearm. They drop their voice to a whisper, keeping it low in the silence of the room. “I will kiss you softly as you drift off to sleep next to me. I will kiss you when you wake up the next morning. And we will take all the time we want relearning all the pieces of each other we’ve missed these months.”

“ _Cass?_ ”

_I love you_ , they almost say, the words burning in their throat. They swallow them down, suddenly nervous, suddenly uncertain. “Hmm?”

“ _I’m going to hold you to that._ ” He sounds warm, happy, content.

They laugh, and decide to keep this secret to themselves just a little bit longer.

They’ll tell him in person, when they will be able to see the expression on his face.

They’ll tell him once they’re able to take him in their arms and kiss him like they’ve been daydreaming about.

“I look forward to it.”


	13. Chapter 13

They wake up the next morning with the realization that _something_ had happened last night, and that something definitely changed the course of their relationship.

And that terrifies them.

They return to their old schedule. Long hours, longer days, pushing themselves and the program to the point where they’re exhausted.

But it’s easier than going back to their apartment and facing what might be waiting on their phone. It’s easier than trying to reconcile what their emotions are, and what it means going forward.

The times they do go back, they don’t look at their phone.

For three days, they leave it turned off. They get home, go through their usual routine, and pass out on their bed.

The bed that’s too big. Too lonely.

If their boss notices, he doesn’t comment. No sly mention on how the relationship must have ended poorly, or else, why would they be back?

_Why are they back?_

Cass continues to go through the motions.

They are beginning to have full-fledged conversations with the product now, and it uses a bright, cheerful voice to ask them about their day, about the progress, about how much longer is it expected to take.

It is eager to be out of the planning stages.

It is eager to grow and learn.

It introduces itself as ‘Rho’, and asks Cass for their name.

They turn it off and ignores the questions.

* * *

“Ah, Nicanor. Just who I was looking for.” Their boss swings into their office, and the other employees immediately scatter, leaving the two of them alone.

“Sir?”

“We want to move up the product launch.”

Cass practically chokes on their lunch. “I don’t think--”

“Nonsense, you’re making wonderful strides with the AI. The Rhododendron Unit is progressing way quicker than we thought it would.” He slaps Cass on the shoulder, and that serves to dislodge the lump that was stuck in their throat.

They manage to force a laugh, though it peters off awkwardly. “Yes, it’s far more intelligent than I gave it credit for.”

Far more intelligent than they were prepared for. Their employers knew this would happen, and yet sent them in without any knowledge. Were they just waiting to see if it would happen, or did they just want to wait to see how long it would take?

Whatever sort of expression is on Cass’ face, their boss leans down to put them on eye level. “This is all thanks to your hard work, Nicanor. We would still be three months out instead of looking forward to a launch next month.”

They make a sound and hope that it could be passed off as surprised in a good way, not surprised in the way that indicates their stomach is plummeting through the floor. “Next month?”

“Four weeks, tops. Three if we’re lucky.”

“Oh… And what do you need me to do?”

“Keep working with them. The Rhododendron unit must be perfected by the time we launch it.”

“In four weeks…”

“Three if we’re lucky,” he adds, and winks.

Cass tries to smile, and thinks about what they’re supposed to tell the others.

* * *

_So I know that my job wasn’t exactly to sabotage the AI, but the unit has been responding quicker than they anticipated. I imagine that if this had been an unknown variable, the clients would have asked to end the job early._

_Thus saying, I’m pretty sure they knew exactly what was going to happen._

_I’m expected to stay for the product launch. We’ll get more details over the exact date soon, but I also expect that we’ll receive more data the longer I work. We need to find out if they want us to destroy this or not before it launches._

_See if you can find out from Jamil._

_I know I was planning on leaving next week, because it would have been easier to leave before I got too tied up in this, but at this point, I’m in it until the end._

_Keep me updated._

* * *

There are still no messages from Mako.

Five days, and he hasn’t said anything. A few words here and there in the group chat, but not at his same level. Nothing sent to Cass personally.

So they take matters into their own hands and call him.

It doesn’t go straight to voicemail, which is at least more than they expected. It doesn’t, however, get answered.

“ _Yo, it’s ya boy Mako and we’ve just gone and missed each other. I’m sure of it. Leave a message, leave some deets, I’ll get back to you soon. Ish. I’ll get back to you soon-ish._ ”

The message beeps, and Cass isn’t prepared for the silence that greets them.

Despite all the messages they had grown used to leaving, it doesn’t feel right anymore.

“Mako, it’s… well, you know it’s me. I wanted to…” They cut themselves off, trying to figure out the right progression of words. “I suppose I want to apologize, for what happened. You were right: We had a line, and unspoken rules, and I broke them first. I crossed the line, and I brought things into it that I shouldn’t have. I brought my feelings into it, when I shouldn’t have.”

They sigh and rub a hand over their face. “There’s not going to be any coming back from this, I know. And you shouldn’t have to have this hanging over your head the next time--well, if there is even a next time. I don’t blame you if you want to go back on it now, if it’s too awkward.”

If it’s too awkward to have a physical relationship with someone who wants to bring emotions into it. Two different things. Two very different outcomes.

“I know I could have done this better -- could have called you the next day, could have let you know sooner, could have said something when I had the chance. Instead, I…”

They couldn’t bring themselves to say his name, because any way they tried sounded like they were pleading with him to understand, instead of asking him to make the choice. It wasn’t a choice they could make for him.

“I’ll be back in a few weeks, and yeah, I know it’s longer than I said. But I have a chance to do something here, because the way this thing is developing is too fast and too intelligently. So I want to make sure that I see this through to the end. Let me know what you decide. Let me know if you need space or time or if you just want to tell me to fuck off because I will.”

They study the grain of the fake wood of their kitchen table, tracing the pattern of it. “I hope you’re getting enough sleep.”

They end the call, and leave their phone on the table as they go lie down in bed.

* * *

Surprisingly, oddly, it’s AuDy that calls.

“ _Jamil says she will be able to get you out in two weeks._ ”

“You mean a week before the product launch?”

“ _She says that it is the best time. The company will be in chaos. They won’t notice you missing._ ”

They laugh. “No, they’ll definitely notice. We made Nicanor to be someone they would notice so they would be hired.”

AuDy makes a sound which, for any normal person, would be a snort of frustration. “ _Don’t be ridiculous, Cass. Mako fogged the system to get you hired and to get your application filled out. There wasn’t any way we could run the risk of the position being filled by someone else._ ”

Cass grits their teeth and shakes their head. “I can’t leave now. Did she say if they want it to go to market?”

There’s a pause, then, slowly, “ _She thinks you should destroy it, yes._ ”

“Okay. I can’t do that in two weeks and be expected to get out of there.”

“ _Aria and I agree that you should leave it. Paisley has also voiced the opinion that your safety is more important, and waiting any longer than a clean exit provided by Jamil would be too hazardous._ ”

“What? No! And why are you bringing Paisley into this?”

“ _He also has clients expressing interest in the tech. And they are more curious to see what it does after._ ”

They groan and start to pace. “I can’t. You know I can’t.”

AuDy’s voice makes an approximation of a curious grunt. “ _And why not?_ ”

“This is… You don’t understand--”

“ _Then you either make me understand or you do as we all agree upon._ ”

Cass’ body is tense, frustration and agitation building in their chest as they attempt to keep an even tone. “This thing is your level of sentient, AuDy. And I had to watch it grow from beeping binary at me to introducing itself and asking me my name.”

They make the sound again. “ _Then you tell it you are Nicanor and you leave when your train arrives at the station._ ”

“It’s not as simple as just letting this thing go to market. You think the big corp ads are intrusive? This is worse. This will be inside your house watching your kids, probably raising them for you. People will--” The stop, about-face with military precision, and start walking in the other direction. “People will treat it like people.”

There’s a heavy silence from the other end of the line and Cass struggles to correct themselves before AuDy can get the chance. “You earned your sentience. Somehow. I don’t know. You don’t know. This thing _knows_.”

“ _It is not up to you to decide, then, Cass._ ” If AuDy had the ability to express emotions properly, Cass imagines that they would be either seething or speaking in a very quiet, angry tone. Not this smooth, unaffected voice.

“I--”

“ _If this thing is sentient, where do you think you can get off making this decision for it?_ ”

“I’m talking about the long score, AuDy -- I’m talking about what happens when it starts to integrate--”

“And then we can revisit the issue,” they say, calmly, evenly. “And we can approach it like it is the person it thinks it is, instead of as someone learning who they are.”

Cass stops. Stands still. Clenches their hands into and out of fists. Releases their breath on a long, strained exhale. “Fine.”

“ _Aria will send you the details when she gets them from Jamil._ ”

“Fine.”

“ _Cass?_ ”

They don’t answer.

“ _Don’t mess this up._ ”

 _Fuck off_ , they want to say. Instead, because it seems like an easier thing to face at the moment, they ask, “Where is Mako?”

AuDy is silent, and Cass can hear the faintest of whirs as their body shifts the weight from one leg to another. “ _He is out on a job. He’s been very focused lately._ ”

“Alright…”

The whir again. “ _Are you going to ask about Aria?_ ”

“No, because she responds to my texts.”

“ _Hmm._ ” It’s always weird to hear AuDy mimicking human tics, little thoughtful noises or quirks of their head.

The Rho unit has started to do that.

Cass shivers.

“I’ve got to go. Just…. Text me the details when you get them.”

“ _Alright._ ” They hang up without further parting.

Cass breathes in, breathes out.

Breathes in.

Breathes out.


	14. Chapter 14

In the end, Cass makes a different call.

They rehearse the excuse in their head over and over again -- what they can say if their boss catches them, what they can say to AuDy or Aria or Mako if they ask.

They ignore the text that gives them the details for the train. Use their own skills and charm to get a date transfer on the ticket information. “Something came up at work,” they say with a charming smile, and the receptionist behind the glass window (thankfully, not an automated unit) smiles back with a blush.

They push it back to two days before the product release. Five days after they were supposed to take the train.

They have a back-up, after all.

They turn off their phone. They set up their plan. They run through it. They run through it again.

And again.

And again.

It’s not perfect, but it will do.

* * *

They sneak into the office at 0400. They know their way around the building, and they have been there at all sorts of hours, so it is not unheard of for them to be there. The night security bots give them a nod of their heads and a cursory “Good evening, Nicanor,” every time they pass one.

No one is the wiser.

Which is what they were hinging on.

Cass sits down at the table in the conference room where the device remains erect and dark, as if asleep. It blinks to life when it notices their presence.

“Nicanor,” it says, and they hate that it sounds surprised. “What are you doing here at this hour?”

“My job,” they say, and they input the code to terminate the program.

* * *

To be perfectly honest, they don’t even know if it works.

It was an older code that Mako gave them when they first headed out, on the off-chance that anything went wildly wrong.

That was before any of them knew just what exactly the program was. That was before they knew what it was capable of.

It also serves as the distress beacon.

By now, the rest of the Chime are aware that they ‘went rogue’, so to speak, when they didn’t come back on the appropriate train. Now, when it is nearing 0900 back in Centralia, alarms will be going off on the systems to indicate that Cass is in trouble and they need to get out.

They have to make it the next few hours without anyone realizing.

The nice thing about the Rhododendron system is that it is not connected to the office network. This is only beneficial because the termination code does not immediately trigger any larger alarms.

It is not nice when taken from their perspective in that it is learning all of this on its own from simple observation. It cannot connect to the Mesh -- yet, their boss explained. Once it was integrated into the home, then families could connected it to their own private servers, or to the network at large.

Cass doesn’t know if this code completely destroys it, or if it just sets it back.

“A lesser AI would become completely corrupted,” he explained, shaking the tiny driver under Cass’ nose to make sure they understood. “It would just crumble beneath this code.”

“And what kind of code is it?” they asked.

He winked. “Trade secret.”

Cass doesn’t stick around after inputting the code. There’s a metaphorical red button that they hit, and that’s it.

_Do you want to run this program?_

Yes. Thank you.

They don’t bring anything with them. All of the money from their account was being transferred back to the Chime, anyway, and they don’t much like Nicanor’s fashion sense.

Cass leaves the office with the same confident stance that they use every day entering and leaving the building, if not with a bit more speed to their footsteps.

They have a train to catch.


	15. Chapter 15

They scan their ticket at the terminal, take their seat, and close their eyes. 

The train out of the Dome leaves at 0542 local, and is expected to arrive in its destination Dome at 0718 local. 

Cass left their work phone on the table in front of the quickly crumbling AI. There’s no evidence on it anyway. 

They keep their personal cell off until they arrive in the destination station. 

By the time they turn it back on, there’s a flood of messages that are mostly Aria and AuDy expressing concern, frustration, and some strange combination of the two. 

It’s mostly Aria. 

AuDy, they know, is probably very upset and trying to deal with that. 

Mako is oddly absent from the chat altogether. 

Still no personal messages from him, either. 

They’re about to send a message, indicating that they’re on their way, when Paisley suddenly appears in front of them. With his charming smile, straining at the edges. ”I’m pretty certain AuDy told you not to do it.” 

Cass doesn’t react. Keeps their lips pressed into a thin line and their eyes trained on his. “It was not AuDy’s decision to make.” 

“No, it was your team’s.” 

They allow a slight moment of frustration with a huff of breath. “I am going with what we originally planned. What Jamil suggested. She is our original contractor.” 

He concedes this point with a nod of his head. “This is true. I am not saying that I myself am disappointed in your decision. I think, considering the circumstances, you did have to make a choice.” 

Cass grumbles and finally looks away. “Are you here to scold me or do you have something for me?” 

They hadn’t known what the ‘extraction’ plan was, only that they knew it would involve a day of traveling. Things to keep Risen Rain Coalition off their tail if there was one. Mako was supposed give them what they needed. 

But Mako was not returning their messages, or even in the group chat. Whatever job he was on was keeping him busy. 

Cass’ stomach twists a little, but tries not to think about it. 

Paisley reaches into his pocket and pulls out several small chips. “These are for you.” He dumps them into Cass’ upturned palm, sorting through them with the tip of his finger and plucking one out at random. “They act as mesh overlays to disguise your fingerprints and any facial scans. You just pin them on…” He makes a gesture, and Cass nods. 

Paisley reaches out and pins the first one to their collar. From the corner of their eye, as they stare down their nose at it, it looks like a small brass symbol when Paisley’s fingers draw away. 

“Push it once to activate it. Then you can toss it when you’re done. Upon activation, a ticket will be delivered to your comm device,” he explains, taking a step back and nodding in approval and whatever it is he sees. 

Cass’ phone beeps with an incoming message, and they look down to see the train ticket for, “Periphas Sinis?” It leaves in fifteen minutes. 

He shrugs, and the smile relaxes into something more casual. Something that they’re used to seeing on him. “Keep in mind that this is _Mako_ we’re talking about.” 

They groan. “The chance of me having to interact with a living person is at least slim.” 

“Good luck with that, Periphas.” He looks at the ticket. "Your gate is down the platform that way. 

Cass nods once and turns to move. 

“Hey.” 

They stop, and look over their shoulder. 

Paisley watches him with an unreadable expression. “Be safe on the trip back.” 

Their eyes narrow, uncertain. “Is that it?” 

He shrugs and spreads his hands out before him. “I’ll be in touch later when we try to figure out what to do when the results of your program come in.” 

Cass pockets the remaining five chips and leaves without saying anything else.


	16. Chapter 16

They did what they thought was right.

Of course, it hasn’t always proven to be the best of solutions, but they had years of experience to act on instinct. They trusted their impulses.

They did what they thought was right.

Forget what the others thought.

And, like Paisley said, they would see the results of that decision later.

* * *

The trains go back and forth and around and around and around. Time zones shift, cities swirl around them, and they’re not too sure what the local time even is eight times out of ten.

The names are interesting. Distressing, and Mako should never be allowed to come up with fake names again, but interesting.

“Kallon Iros,” is one of the most normal sounding names, and thankfully it was the one and only time they have to deal with an actual person.

“Charapopos Phanapopos” gets them to the Seventh Dome, sadly twenty minutes late for the train they needed to take. So “Matticus Arraticus” gets their ticket changed to the next available train out. “Elpidius Megasaurus” is just about done with everything as they resolve to, potentially, murder Mako the next time they see him.

Finally, after a long day of traveling from dome to dome to lose a tail that probably doesn’t even exist (but the risk is not worth it), “Borus Hesnorus” steps off in the Third Dome and is immediately embraced by Aria.

“You have a walrus mustache,” she says against their shoulder.

“How did you know it was me?” they ask.

“I watched Mako put them together for you. He was the most proud of this one.” She takes a step back and stares up into their face, then frowns at what she sees. “God it looks fucking ridiculous.”

They laugh, tired and tense and uncertain, and reach up to unclip the pin from their collar.

Her face breaks back into its usual smile and she steps in to give them another hug.

Cass hesitates then folds their arms around her back, holding her in close. “I’ve missed you.”

“It’s been almost four months,” she agrees. With one final squeeze, she steps back officially and hooks her arm through Cass’. “The Kingdom Come is in the hangar bay. We’ll head back to Centralia as soon as we get on.”

Their feet drag, suddenly realizing just how tired they are. “I am just looking forward to sleeping in my own bed again.”

Aria laughs, a delightful and pretty sound that they ache to hear. Four long months. They didn’t realize how much they missed everyone, despite talking with them almost daily.

They want to ask about Mako, but decide against it.

If something was wrong, Aria would have said something by now.

They catch a shuttle across the dome to the port, which in itself is an indulgence, but Cass is too tired to stand up much longer than they have to.

She talks freely and easily, catching them up on everything that has happened. She mentions the fish -- “And he _insists_ on calling it Cass Jr, I’m sorry, I tried to tell him that it was an insensitive thing to do.” “It’s fine. I’m used to those sort of jokes.” -- mentions how Paisley tried to come in last minute with a counter-offer for the technology, mentions how quiet it has been on the ship.

“Quiet?” they ask, arching an eyebrow. “I’m not the noisy one.”

“No, you’re far from it. But… I don’t know. We had a lot of jobs the first month and a half you were gone, so that kept us busy. But things felt a little tense and awkward after a while. We all kind of stuck to our own things.”

They snort, looking out the window as they approach the port. “Don’t try to tell me that I’m the glue that holds you all together.”

Aria’s smile quirks at the edges and she reaches out to poke them in the cheek. “Of course not. We all know that’s my job. I just think we were all worried about you, in our own way.”

Cass leans into her finger, and then lets her wrap her arm around their shoulders. “I sent you updates saying I was fine.”

“Oh please, those are two completely different things. Anyone can say they’re fine. But we can still worry.” She rests her head against theirs, and they make the rest of the ride in silence.

Cass realizes that they really _really_ missed her.

* * *

The Kingdom Come is just the same old piece of shit that it was four months ago, except now it was one or two new burn marks along the runners.

“Looks like i’m not the only one getting into trouble,” they tease.

“Just one little bit of adventure,” Aria assures. “Everything else was within acceptable parameters.”

AuDy stands in the doorway to the cockpit and watches Cass without saying anything. Cass isn’t too sure if they make eye contact or not, but AuDy nods, says, “You are back,” and disappears into the cockpit.

A second later, the hum of the ship’s engines fills the room.

Aria sighs and shakes her head. “They’re glad you’re back, too.”

“I do think that was one of the nicer things they could have said, considering the circumstances.”

She grins, places a kiss on their cheek, and then pats it fondly. “Go get some rest.”

At that, a yawn takes over and all they can do is nod.

They shuffle back to their bunk without thinking. They toss their phone onto the side table, and then toe off their shoes and shrug out of their jacket. Distantly, they’re aware that their bed is messier than it normally is. The blankets are tossed haphazardly across the mattress, and there is a hat and a pair of glasses that are definitely _not_ theirs.

Oh. Right. Mako.

They drop onto the mattress and let gravity take over, not even bothering to finish changing out of their clothes.

As they slip off to sleep, they realize that the pillow smells a little like Mako.


	17. Chapter 17

The sounds of the Centralia space station echo through the walls of the Kingdom Come by the time that Cass wakes up. Their head is foggy, their phone is dead, and they don’t really know how long it is that they slept.

But they’re home.

It’s difficult to start moving, but they find a change of clothes (their own clothes, not whatever it was that Nicanor thought was fashionable), take a shower, and feel much better after that process.

The next thing on the menu: Food.

They shuffle into the kitchen, keeping their ear open for any of the rest of their crew. It’s quiet, as far as they can tell. Perhaps they’re out on a job.

They’re in the middle of preparing lunch (because they finally found a clock and learned that it was a little after noon the following day) when the back hatch of the Kingdom Come opens with its customary groan of hinges and pistons.

That really should be fixed.

Footsteps clang up the ramp and into the halls, and before Cass can even think to prepare themselves, Mako’s voice floats through the bowels of the ship.

“Aria! You said you were going to send me that file--” He rounds the doorway into the kitchen and pulls up short.

Both of them freeze, staring at each other with wide-eyes. Cass has never felt more caught off guard than they do at that moment.

Mako looks a little gaunter than usual, but that could also be due to the fact that he’s wearing an oversized sweater that hangs precariously off one shoulder. It’s dark, out of style, and, Cass realizes with a jolt, one of theirs.

“You… That’s my sweater?” they finally manage, and Mako seems to shake himself back out of his momentary shock.

“Yeah. I uh… For a job, I needed something dark. And I don’t really _do_ dark colors, so I had to raid your wardrobe.” He plucks it away from his frame, considering it. “Is that… okay?”

Cass’ voice manages a croak instead of a proper response, so they cough to clear it and nod. “It’s fine. Yeah. Uh. It looks good on you?”

Mako’s expression is tired, strained, but he manages a smile. But the smile falls too quickly and he looks away. “I thought you were supposed to be coming back a few days ago.”

“I…” They didn’t want their reunion to go like this, but after the lack of phone calls, they’re not too sure what they expected. “I had to see it through to the end.”

His chest swells with a sudden intake of breath, but he deflates just as quickly. He looks like he wants to say something, but shifts his weight from foot to foot instead.

Cass looks around, then jerks their head back over their shoulder, and step into one of the side halls.

A beat later, and they can hear Mako follow.

He keeps the width of the hall between them. “You said two weeks. You said you would be home in _two weeks_.”

They wince and scrub their hand over their face. “I know. Something came up. Product launch was moved forward and I had to…” They hesitate, considering just why exactly they stuck around. If they were going to burn the project and leave, then they had no good excuse.

The best excuse was that, perhaps, they were trying to avoid Mako to avoid confronting their feelings.

Mako refuses to look at them. Cass finds that they can’t look away, studying the curve of his jaw and the petulant tilt to his lips, the furrow in his brow. The way the tension has entered his shoulders in a way that it had never been before. They want to reach out for him, but there’s a distance they don’t know how to cross.

“Hey…” they finally say. Why not jump into the conversation with the same recklessness that they did every other time? “So… I kind of remember this thing about me being your impulse control…”

Here, his eyebrows shoot up and he glances at Cass out of the corner of his eyes. They can’t be certain, but they’re pretty sure there is amusement in his gaze. “Yeah?”

“I’m pretty sure you said you were going to do something when you saw me next…” They pretend to think about it as Mako unfolds his arms and turns to face them. “What was it again…”

“Oh, did I say that?” Despite the way that he keeps the smirk from his lips, it can be heard in his voice. “I don’t really know. It’s been like two months.”

Cass taps a finger against the wall, trying to keep themselves from stepping forward. They’re encouraged by the way that Mako relaxes, the way his posture adjusts to accept them. “Yes, it was some sort of crazy plan of yours that you were formulating because I wasn’t there… What could it have been?”

Mako takes the first step closer, still somehow maintaining his indifferent expression. “I honestly don’t know. But it might be because you’re back, and my impulse control is kicking back in. You might have missed your window of opportunity.”

They don’t know if they feel disappointed or relieved. If only their emotions could settle down long enough for them to figure this out. Mako isn’t playing along the way he used to when Cass would tease about finding some other thing to do when they first got back to Centralia.

But, perhaps, this could be his way of asking for space between them.

And they can respect that.

Cass allows a smile to slip onto their face, and they offer a careful shrug. ”Well, then. Perhaps I should just go back to finishing my lunch--”

Mako moves faster than they expect. The distance between them is eliminated, and his hands reach for their collar. Before they can even get out a sound in question, he lifts up on his tiptoes and presses his lips against Cass’.

The shock lasts for only a second before they melt into the kiss. Their arms wrap around Mako’s waist, pulling him in closer as his hands slide up their chest and fold around the back of their neck.

He kisses hard, backing Cass up against the wall of the Kingdom Come and kissing him even harder. It’s nothing like the soft sounds of the fake kiss over the phone, but it’s everything that Cass wants.

All they want is Mako.

Mako pulls back, teeth scraping across Cass’ lower lip in the process. He’s close enough that their lips still brush when he talks. “Odd, because I seem to remember you telling me that you were going to make me show you something.”

They press the tips of their fingers to Mako’s chin, ignoring the statement of favor of kissing him again. And again and again until Mako grins. Every little fear flees at that. That smile is enough to reassure them that _this is okay_.

He pulls himself up closer, back onto his toes, arms around Cass’ neck. Their foreheads are pressed together, and Cass’ arms don’t think they ever want to pull away. “I’m an idiot,” he whispers, and they huff a laugh.

“I think that makes two of us.”

“When I asked… When I asked to have sex, I didn’t think…” He closes his eyes, and Cass takes the moment to breathe him in. Savor his weight and his warmth. “I didn’t think it would mean anything for you, and I figured that was the best way to get you to notice me.”

“What do you mean?”

Mako lifts both eyebrows, genuine surprise on his face. “You really didn’t notice?”

They cant their head to the side, brow furrowed. “I certainly noticed when you stopped talking to me all of a sudden.”

He rolls his eyes and huffs out a grumbled response. “Listen, it’s hard to handle it when the person you have a massive crush on dirty talks you on the phone, okay? _Especially_ after they find out that you’ve been sleeping in their bed, and, well...” His hand makes a noncommittal motion.

Cass heart jumps into their throat at the same time their stomach plummets to the phone. “What?”

“Okay, I know, I was being a bit dumb with the kissing thing, but… Shit, Cass. That was too much, even for me.” He closes his eyes, and leans into the embrace.

Cass’ grip tightens around him, pulling him in closer.

“I just needed a moment. I thought for certain that you were just playing along with me, that you had been humoring me that whole time, but…” He lets out a frustrated sigh and shakes his head.

They decide to pick up the thread from there. “It’s hard when you realize that suddenly your emotions are a part of it.”

He laughs, nods. “When I thought you would be home in just two weeks, I thought I could wait. But then two weeks turned into another month, and…”

“And one thing led to another.”

“Uh-huh.”

Neither of them move from their position.

But then Mako’s grin becomes too obvious and too much to ignore. “So, emotions, huh?” he asks, wriggling in closer into Cass’ embrace.

“Yes, emotions.”

“Do you think those emotions of yours can show my emotions a thing or two?”

Cass laughs despite themselves, and Mako immediately moves in to kiss the corners of their mouth. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I was making lunch, you know.”

“Oh come on. Let me confess my love for you while I get you naked and in my bed.”

“Mako,” they say, attempting to pry themselves free as their stomach grumbles. “First of all, it’s going to be in _my_ bed. Second of all--” And here, they catch him under the chin to tilt his face up. They enjoy the brief second of wide-eyed surprise before leaning in to press the sweet, gentle kiss to his lips. “I should have told you sooner. I’m sorry.”

He leans all his bodyweight into Cass through the kiss, a delighted sound coming from the back of his throat. “Okay, then you can make your lunch and you can tell me all about this product launch you botched, and _then_ we can go back to your room and--how did you put it? Take all the time we want relearning all the pieces of each other we’ve missed these months.” His grin only widens as Cass groans and covers their face with their hand.

“That was so sappy.”

“Don’t say that. I’ve been looking forward to it ever since you brought it up.”

“How did you remember that?” Cass doesn’t even pretend to wonder if those are the words they used. It ran on a loop inside their head the last month as they kicked themselves for saying it.

Mako somehow manages to look both embarrassed and smug. “I might have recorded the phone call and spent a lot time relistening to it after.” Cass lifts an eyebrow and Mako hurries to try and clarify. “Listen, it’s not my proudest moment, but when I thought that you were just playing along to humor me, I figured ‘why the hell not’, which sounds really pathetic when I say it out loud, but--”

They kiss him again. And again and again until their stomach growls, louder this time, and they break apart laughing.

Mako takes their hand and leads them back to the kitchen.

Before they cross the threshold into the other room, Cass tugs his hand and pulls him to a stop. “No more ‘arrangement’, okay?”

“So long as you stay in bed after and let me cuddle you for _once_ ,” Mako counters, squeezing their hand. “No more of this leaving to go pretend to be busy bullshit.”

Cass laughs, and the last of the tension and nervousness eases from their shoulders. “Yeah. Yeah, I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks Claire this is all your fault all 58 pages of it. Please enjoy and please stop me before I write Mako's POV for some of these scenes. Thanks everyone for your kind comments and enthusiasm in group chat!! It means a lot to me <3

**Author's Note:**

> Want to request a fluffy fic from me? [Leave a prompt here](https://goo.gl/forms/vQFgb42G6qOWEpk12). Want to help combat the angst party on twitter? [Come yell at me here](https://twitter.com/lil_miss_banana)!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [relearning all the pieces](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12782166) by [lady_mab](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_mab/pseuds/lady_mab)




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